Saturday, May 02, 2015


"I'm still a kid. Weak and helpless. I don't really want to be an adult. Being an adult is not interesting at all." This is what I have been thinking all this time.

But I realise that I have no choice. I have no option. Being an adult is compulsory or else I'll die. Well, I don't want to die ether. The best option I can take is being an adult. (sorry if what I'm saying is too redundant)

I'm so afraid to explore the outer world, to meet new people, to go to university, to have many responsibilities and so on. I feel like I'm not ready. I don't have that confidence, right now pon takde confidence. So how am I going to hold my future?

How my future is going to be? Will it be good or bad? I can't stop wondering. Of course I'm hoping for it to be good, but is that going to happen? These questions have been running in my mind lately.

I don't have any specific targets on what I want to do after SPM. Sekarang study pun teruk. Time management FAILS. I don't have motivation to study. I become lazier each day. Haih idk la what to do. Who else is going to help me if me myself don't even want to change kan?

STRAIGHT A+ is everyone dream. Memang aku nak sangat dapat 11A+. But seeing myself like this, I don't think I can make it. I feel like I'm a failure. My friends semua rajin2 but me? Lazy ass T___T

My friends all have their targets. Fatin, she wants to go to Melbourne, Australia. Mizah wants to go to  Canada. Jiha wants to go to Edinburgh. But me? I feel like a dwarf when I'm with them. They're great, they have targets to achieve, they are motivated! Maybe one of their spirits has to possess me so that I could be driven just like them. teehee~

Before this ada la aku macam terfikir nak sambung mana and so on. But not too eager like my friends. So for my future, I want to study abroad. Dublin, maybe? Kuikui.

Hopefully by having that 'target' I can study harder, feel motivated and driven. You must imagine your future and try to reach it. That's how you can be a better person each day (eh?) To kill my laziness yang tahap apa idk, I need to have targets. I have to think about my future. Sounds matured, isn't it? Hahaha (perasan)

Aku ada la google2 sikit pasal university ni. Since I want to go to Dublin, here is one of my dreamt universities. And yeah I want to become a dentist. Idk since when I'm interested in dentistry. if you know someone yg jadi dentist, maybe boleh share how they work and so on. :D ok tgk bawah~


I know it's beautiful huargh

serious cantik sangat!

finally, the library. nilah library yg aku teringin nak pi. a lot to books arranged in such way. suka suka!


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