15 Jan 2016

confidence



it seems like my posts have gotten really boring. truth is i feel like i'm having shitty days lately. and i'm losing my confidence, slowly. i dunno but everything i do is just not right and i end up regretting it. i have a lot like soooo many insecurities. i know everyone's not perfect, but i think it's just me who is looking down to my own self and idk why. i'm just not my old self, like how i used to be. i'm totally a different person, you got meh? i guess it all comes from experiences in life and how you deal with it. and i perfectly know i'm not strong enough even though most people say i'm strong. but they never know the dilemma that i face every time i look into myself. obviously, girls have insecurities, and i'm the one included in the ones who are on the top list of having to deal with great insecurities in every single thing they do. is it normal that you feel this way or am i exaggerating it? there are days when you feel totally f up for no reasons at all. well there are reasons, something that has been so wrong all this time and suddenly on that day you explode. you want everyone to notice what you are always up to, but this expectation ends up hurting you. you know you're weak and fragile. just like glass, it looks sturdy from outside but once you carelessly hold it, it breaks into pieces. that's how i can precisely describe how i am all the time. maybe i should realise that in life, not all people really know you. not even the closest one to you. so perhaps i should not expect too much, cause that will bring great pain. yea, that's what i hope for. gaining back my confidence is always what i wish for all this time, and i hope that day will come. come back the missing piece of my soul, i need you.